


What did you do this time?

by LunaIrenePond



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Rated teen for language, its funny i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 06:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8963389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaIrenePond/pseuds/LunaIrenePond
Summary: Five times that Kirk had a nose bleed--due to getting punched in the face, being clumsy, or just having a bad body--and one time that Bones and Spock got nose bleeds.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, my nose bleeds a lot. 
> 
> Also, hey, it's been a while. How's life been? I've been at college writing non-fanfic, it's been pretty great, Hollins is pretty lit.

“Guys, I think we can talk about this,” Jim tried to calm the four guys down a bit, although his talking always just seemed to lead to him getting even more beaten up than he was going to be previously. The four of them had followed Jim out of the diner and into the parking lot, blocking Jim’s path to his bike.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“No one’s going to say anything about it.”

“Your mom’s off planet for too long to notice.”

“And Frank is always saying your need to be taught a lesson.”

The four of them jumped Jim. Jim got about two punches in before blacking out. He came to in a hospital with several pieces of cotton shoved up his nose. 

“Welcome back,” the nurse said who was walking back into the room. “You ready to play twenty questions?”

Jim had the fleeting thought that the point when the nurse is able to joke about him getting a concussion was the point where he needs to stop getting in fights. “I don’t have a concussion.”

“I’m who gets to decide that one,” the nurse said pulling out her PADD. “What’s your name?”

“Don’t all these computers tell you whether or not I have a concussion?”

“What’s your name Jim?”

“James Tiberius Kirk.”

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“How much of an idiot are you?”

“It wasn’t my fault!”

“Alright,” the nurse said abandoning the PADD, “Who was it this time?”

“No comment,” Jim groaned trying to sit up.

“Fine, I guess I’m not telling your mom?” she asked checking Jim over to see if they could let him go.

“Please don’t.”

“You need a ride back home?”

“Yeah.”

“You can wait in the breakroom until my shift is over,” she said helping him off of the bed. Jim pulled his shoes on and headed down the hallway where he knew that the breakroom was. He had been in this hospital way too many times. The entire nursing staff had become some of the friendliest people that he knew in the town. Between being allergic to literally anything and propensity to getting the shit beaten out of him, he had been in and out of this hospital constantly for his entire life.

Jim opened the breakroom and dropped down onto one of the couches. He was swapping the cotton swabs in his nose out for a tissue when one of the older nurses opened the door. “Who’s taking you home today?”

“Linda.”

“How’d you end up in here?”

“Got jumped,” Jim shrugged.

“Damn, I lost ten credits,” the nurse cursed putting his lunch into the microwave.

“How much did Linda make?”

“Fifty.”

“Nice,” Jim smirked. “She deserves it.”

**

“Awe fuck,” the cadet let the basketball roll away from where her and Jim were standing. “Are you okay?”

“I, I think I’m, yeah I’m bleeding,” Jim said cupping his hand around his nose and trying not to lean back. “Do you happen to have a tissue?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“That’s fine,” Jim sighed pulling off his shirt and using it to catch the blood.

“Do you want me to walk you to sick bay?”

“It’s fine, they can’t actually do anything,” Jim shrugged, grabbed his gym bag and headed to his dorm. He got a few strange looks from other cadets that he didn’t recognize. The ones that did recognize rolled their eyes, figuring that he had got in a fight with somebody and had his ass handed to him. He had managed to get all the way to his dorm without having to touch anything with his bloodied hands, that was until he got to the door to his room. “Bones, can you open the door?” he asked knocking on the door with his foot.

“Why?” came a gruff southern voice.

“My nose is bleeding.”

“What did you do?” Bones said as he opened the door. He was still in his pajama pants and his hair looked like he had been sleeping since he got back to the dorm at about two that morning. “Who did you get in a fight with?”

“A basketball,” Jim shrugged throwing his shirt into the pile of dirty clothes he was amassing before heading over to the sink they had in their room and washing his hands. “You know that Cerberus girl that was in our orientation group last year?”

“Yeah,” Bones sighed handing Jim some tissues for him to shove up his nose.

Jim smirked, “She’s really good at basketball.”

**

“Dude, he said no,” Kirk said sizing up the man who was harassing a man that Kirk had been talking to moments before. The man towered over both Kirk and the man at the bar. He had a security shirt on and Kirk was starting to really regret changing out of his captain’s uniform before going out for drinks. 

“No one asked you.”

“No, but since you won’t listen to him I thought maybe you would listen to me, but that obviously won’t be the case.” Kirk snapped back getting in between the two other men.

The security man threw the first punch, straight into Kirk’s face causing blood to get all over his t-shirt. “Dude, I really liked this shirt.” Kirk shook his head and the two of them started to beat the crap out of each other. The man who had been at the bar started to shout at the two of them to stop, but it was tuned out by the sound of their fists connecting with each other and the other bar patrons yelling at them to calm down. The two of them didn’t stop until the man that Kirk was fighting dropped the ground. When Kirk looked up in shock, his first officer Spock was standing behind him, his hand still raised. 

“Captain, I believe that it would be wise if you were to follow me,” Spock said raising his eyebrow in Kirk’s direction.

“Lead the way Mr. Spock,” Kirk sighed heavily, noticing again that his nose was bleeding. “You wouldn’t happen to have a tissue would you?”

“No, I do not,” Spock said leading him to where Bones was staying during their shore leave. Spock wasn’t one for conversation and Kirk was more concerned with not getting blood everywhere, so the two of them walked in silence until Spock knocked on the doctor’s door. 

Bones opened the door and ushered the two of them into the apartment he had found. “Jim what did you get yourself into this time?”

“There was this nice guy, Michael, we were talking about classical music and some guy who thought that he was his boyfriend was getting all in Michael’s face. Michael didn’t want anything to do with him so I stepped in and the guy who was bothering him thought that I was trying to make a move on Michael, so he punched me and ruined my shirt and honestly Bones it’s not my fault.” 

“I’m sure it’s not your fault,” Bones said implying that he thought that it was completely Kirk’s fault. Bones worked on cleaning up Kirk’s face and seeing if he had actually managed to seriously injure himself, while Kirk tried to further defend himself. 

“Spock was there. Spock tell Bones how it wasn’t completely my fault.”

Spock, who was standing in the corner of Bones’ apartment trying to be as out of the way as possible, just rose and eyebrow. “If you remember correctly Captain, I was not there until the fight was well underway and you were, as the doctor would say, getting your ass handed to you.”

**

“Bones,” Kirk said trying to get the CMO’s attention. He had just recently come back from the dead and was not ready to deal with the blood that was seemingly randomly trickling out of his nose.

“What?” Bones replied, his back still turned to Kirk so that he could read off the computers that were currently moderating Kirk’s health.

“Is my nose supposed to be bleeding?” 

Bones sighed and ran a medical sensor over his face, “Your fine, just keep holding that tissue onto your face.”

“Why’s it bleeding?”

“Because the blood in your head discovered how stupid you are and didn’t want to be dragged through your heroic adventures anymore,” Bones snapped. After Kirk opened his mouth to start arguing with him Bones added. “The air in here is dry, you have a blood vessel close to the surface of the inside of your nose. You bleed a lot, you dainty princess.”

“I’m not a dainty princess,” Kirk pouted. “If anything I’m a princess who occasionally gets nose bleeds while fighting dragons.”

“Sure,” Bone moved the tissue box closer to where Kirk could reach it. “Do Spock and I a favor and don’t fight those dragons again any time soon.”

“Where is Spock?”

“I don’t know,” Bones shrugged. “He was hanging around here constantly until you woke up. I got a nurse to bring a cot in here for him several times. That Vulcan knows how to take care of himself only marginally better than you do.”

“That’s, interesting,” Kirk said, swapping out tissues. “Where do you think he went?”

“He said something about having to go over things with Ambassador Spock.”

Kirk nodded, thinking about that response, “It must be nice having an alternate self to check in with from time to time.”

“Yeah,” Bones agreed, writing something down on his PADD.

**

Everything was going amazingly well. Nothing had been going wrong, they were just cruising through space. McCoy was just hanging out with the bridge crew. He had come up with some excuse that entailed needing Spock’s logical expertise to go over a paper that he had written up about their last planet that they had beamed down on. Kirk hadn’t really been paying attention. He was trying to get more gossip out of Uhura about Spock. 

“You know he can hear you right?” Uhura said looking at Kirk like he was an idiot.

“I like to think that he can’t, gives me a false sense of security.” Kirk shrugged.

“Yeah, a false sense of security.”

“It’s not like I’m asking for anything terribly incriminating. I just want to know if he ever smiled.”

Uhura sighed, “He does that lip thing.”

“That doesn’t count, that’s his, ‘oh my god humans are slightly entertaining’ face.”

“What about eyebrows?”

“That’s his ‘oh my god humans are so stupid’ face.”

“I think your taking his facial expressions way too seriously.”

“I don’t think you’re taking them seriously enough.”

“He’s trying to eliminate his emotional side. It’s not like he’s going to be smiling and laughing.”

“I bet I can get him to laugh.”

“Twenty credits says you can’t,” Uhura said putting a monetary amount to the bet.

“You’re on,” Kirk grinned.

“Thirty credits says I’ll be the one to do it,” Bones added shouting over his shoulder from where Spock and him were hunched over a computer screen.

They all went around the bridge taking bets from the ten of them who were currently manning the bridge. Kirk turned to Spock, “You okay with this?”

“Yes, I find it as an immature, but completely human, way to pass time traveling in deep space. I also think that it would be beneficial if I put fifty credits down on myself not laughing,” Spock stated before turning back to the computer screen that he and Bones were working off of. 

Bones chuckled, before turning around, while Kirk doubled over with laughter. Kirk’s laughter was quickly stopped by the lurch of the ship suddenly coming out of warp and his face hitting the floor of the bridge. “Sulu, what happened to my ship?” Kirk asked clutching his face while trying to get off of the floor.

“There was an engine failure sir, I’m trying to contact the engine room.”

“Jim, are you alright?” Bones asked running over to the captain’s chair where Kirk had walked over and sat down.

“I’m fine, Bones.”

“You’re bleeding out of your face Jim, humor me for a second,” Kirk stopped fidgeting while Bones scanned his head for signs of a concussion. finding that there was nothing physically wrong with Kirk he pulled a packet of tissues out of his pocket and handed them to Kirk. “Don’t get blood on your chair.”

“Where did you get these from?”

“I carry them just in case your face decides to start bleeding.”

“Your weird,” Kirk turned on the com for engineering. “Scotty, what did you do to my ship?”

**

“Oh,” Bones said stepping into the transporter pad with the rest of the away team. “I won the bet.”

“What?” Kirk said in shock right as they were beamed down to the planet’s surface.

“Spock, he laughed when we were on that planet with Krall,” Bones said smugly.

They both looked over at Spock who was concentrating very hard on scanning the area where they had been beamed down. “You’re sure you made him laugh.”

“Yep,”

“What was it like?”

“Captain, I found something interesting,” Spock said waving them over.

“What is it?” Kirk said dragging Bones over to him with him.

“These rocks, they’re giving off some rather interesting readings. Any minute now they should-” Spock was smacked straight into his nose. 

“Oh my god, are you alright Spock?” Bones ran over to him and fretted over checking Spock for possible head injuries.

Kirk tried to cover his laugh with a cough as he watched Bones fuss over someone else for a chance. 

“I’m fine,” Spock said as he clutched his nose, green blood running down his hand. 

“In a pig’s eye you are,” Bones grumbled trying to brush Spock’s hand away so Bones could get to it and fix it himself. 

As he was fussing over Spock another rock flew out of the ground and knocked him in the face.

“Jim, I hate this planet,” Bones groaned clutching his face in the same manner that Spock was.

“I agree with the doctor,” Spock said grimly.

“Kirk to transporter room.”

“Scotty here.”

“Could you please, beam up Mr. Spock and Doctor McCoy? They need to sort out their bloody noses.”

“Yes sir,” Scotty replied with a chuckle.

“Please hurry back guys, I’d hate to do an away mission without you two.”


End file.
